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Pretension

Pretension is everywhere, right?
Pretending that something is not happening,
pretending that you don't hear him saying "I love you" just so you can hear it twice,
pretending not to see someone passing by just because you don't know how to say hi,
pretending that you still don't know that they're preparing a surprise for you just so you can still see those smile on their faces, or whats worse is that
pretending that you're not hurt and keeping that smile on your face for the sake of someone you love not knowing that you're hurting.




That part.
We all as humans know exactly that to finally get that happy rewards in life, we need to get pass all the shits, failures, hardworks, sweats, tears, and bloods.
Yet we're still complaining and questioning.
How much other pain should I bear to finally get my peace?
How many failures should I face anymore to finally get my success?
How many tears my eyes should shed until I get my happiness? Or...
How many heartbreaks should I bear to finally get my 'the one'?

And love...
When you feel so lost.
Like every story starts and ends the same way.
It starts with "he makes me so happy" or "i couldn't ask for more from him" to be
"But I thought he was different" or "I think we both just pretended not to see each other when we passed by".

And there you still go don't want to feel too miserable while you actually are.
Because love, is not like those dreams or achievements you chase.
Those dreams and achievements, you can still have that calculations, strategies that will make sure work out if you implement them well. But not with love.
Because it's about 2 ways connections.
The results you get are not always as equal as your efforts.
Many times you give your all just to get a half from another person.
Not that you're stupid, just because you are hoping that they would do the same way to you or just because you are so sincere to do that much for them.
But the point is.
"It will worth the wait" they said...
"One day, your destiny will come" they said..
But from your each failures, the only thing that you realize is that you're sucks.
You're proven not to be good on this thing.
Then it makes you feel like you unlovable, because probably you are.

So how should we deal with life?
I think God is the only answer right?
Because God is somewhere we should go when nothing seems to be explainable, because our love to God is also unexplainable.
My prays go to those people who are lost, or still trying to figure out the right way.

Then you pretend that you never show your disappointment to God, because you're afraid that He will be mad at you. But you actually have many disappointments to His current decisions that lead you to be disappointed at Him.
You pretend that you never curse His decisions.
You pretend that you always be that good girl for Him, just so you can still have justifications to complain all around, while in fact you're not that good girl.
Or you pretend that you don't know God is preparing a best storyline, a special one for you, while in fact you know exactly God is.
Then all these pretension is only because we feel impatient, or because we feel that we've done enough.
Then maybe our "enough" is not enough for God...
Pretend...
Then I still pretend that I've done enough and not guilty.

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