that moment when everything is falling down, you're in your most hopeless point in life and you call you mom then saying:
"I am really apologizing for every mistakes I've done to you. I got these all bad things happen probably because I have too many bad things done to you and I am sorry for that"
instead of forgiving, then she said
"no, don't apologize. Instead, I do apologize for not being there for you, helping you in this situation and you have to face it all alone. forgive me"
I think this is what all people always say as "what family is meant for".
I might be an introvert and closed person that I do not easily share and tell my problems to my closest people, even worse to my family.
Due to many reasons and histories, my family is a really stiff and cold family but with a really deep caring. this makes us barely say sweet things to each other and even hard to share emotional stories because we choose to keep it ourselves (well this case mostly happens in me).
But when lately I keep sharing everything to mom and tell her most of my problems related with my academic lives, i'm always amazed with her responses.
This is what people say as what's family is meant for. no matter how far we go, no matter how far we think we are separated with our family, at the end, family will accept you no matter what.
No matter that you've ignored them for a quite long time, no matter that you've put them in sorrow, no matter how bad you have treated them in the past.
I personally thank God to keep giving me all these shits all along in order to show me that I do need emotional connections with my family.
I thank God for letting me know and see that when i have problems and feel depressed about that, it is actually my family who is much more depressed but keep supporting and backing me up so that I will feel the least hurtful pain.
One thing that I probably never tell anyone before, these all things I do everyday, these all dreams and ambitions I have always hardly struggled to achieve, are all for my family. My parents have put a really great foundation of my living purpose through my name. Even my mom have always told me since I was a kid, those things I should achieve in life and for what purpose (and trust me, none of those purpose is for personal gain). She's the Nobel Prize winner for me!
The point is.... Well, i don't know, dude. Just.... For everyone out there feeling it's hard to create or recreate the emotional connection with your family, trust me, no matter how stiff, no matter how different, no matter how annoying, no matter how old school, or no matter how scary they might seem to you, deep down inside, they will really listen to you and will be there at the end, when the world and even your own shadow are leaving you.
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